‘What a weird colour’ Alex looks at me in wonder while he puts some sun cream on my nose.
Immediately I’m alarmed, WHAT, is my nose now green or blue?
I check out the tube, nothing really out of the ordinary until I see a brownish square. Oh noooo, it is a sun cream with a bronzer in it. And when I say bronze I mean, very bronze. And on a pale skinned girl like me, it looks kind of interesting.
Of course, I try to rub the stuff off. I’m not going to walk around with this horrible fake orange tan on me, what will the people we meet think of me?
The result of the rubbing is that the stuff is smeared all over my cheeks in a stripy pattern and my fingers are covered. Now everything I touch is oily and brownish as well.
Suddenly I realize that the stuff in this tube is the only sunscreen I have for my pale face for the entire trip and this is only the second day! I am condemned to use this fake tan stuff and look ridiculous for 5 whole weeks!
Did I really buy this?
‘I’m sorry, I never noticed the brown square in the shop. I just looked for a high protection factor for your sensitive skin. That is the most important thing, right?’ Alex admits while suppressing his smirking face. He definitely sees the funny side of this horrible disaster.
I’m still hovering between shock, anger, and knowing that I can’t do anything about it. I hang my shoulders and I calm down.
What an odd product really, when you think about it. Facial cream with a factor to prevent you from getting a tan and a bronzer to make you look tanned. Isn’t that a bit of a contradiction? Why would anyone want to use this product? To appear to be more healthy or youthful perhaps?
And now I think about it…..Trump uses this stuff. He has the same strange orangy face as I got at the moment…. Hmmmm, does he feel healthy, youthful or more confident with this fake stuff on?
‘I better finish the job, you need the protection’ With a big smile on his face Alex applies a liberal amount of bronze cream all over my face. It enhances the stripy pattern even more and I look like a failed zebra. Alex is giggling like a schoolgirl, he is having way too much fun. There seems to be no beauty in sun protection for me this year.
From now on we are ‘putting some Trump on’ when applying the fake-tan sunscreen. When I see him around in Scotland I must ask him if he has got the same problem with getting bronze stains all over his clothes and especially on the neck area.
Does he have the same problem as Alex? The bronzing stuff creeps into the stumbles of his beard. That just looks hilarious like he is camouflaging his beard or like skin falling from his face. I put it I’m my lips once and…well you get the picture.
After publishing this blog post I don’t think I will ever be able to travel to the United States again….